Remember that part in the Bible where after the crucifixion these people go down to Jesus' grave, but when they roll away the stone that blocks the tomb, the body is missing?

The people hear a noise or something. They turn around and there's Jesus--resurrected, back from the dead and better than new.

I like that story.

I'll tell you a secret. That's what happened to Jon Benet.

I mean, if they ever dig up her body looking for clues, they won't find anything. Not one ribbon, not one strand of golden hair. She's gone. She's taken off. She's said, "Screw this, I've had a lousy Christmas and I'm leaving."

Who could blame her? Remember when you had a lousy Christmas? When everyone bought you socks and you didn't get that BB gun? It didn't even snow that year and so you ended up busting your sled trying to slide down a mud hill.

But you probably never had a Christmas as bad as Jon Benet's. Anyway, she's out there now, looking over the wheel of a blue Oldsmobile.

She runs her fingers through her hair, and the last clumps of dirt fall to the floor. She smiles because every day is Christmas, and she's giving back all her presents.